bad boots part 2

Oh Britney... Sometimes I feel a little bad for you. With you having to be the subject of endless discussions of your ever-surprising ignorance, or the countless ruminations on how much of a nutjob you must be. Most recently how frickin terrible your new songs are. But I do have to wonder about this relationship you are having with your boots. Those brown ones with the heels and the stripe thingy at the top. The ones you wear almost every day whether they match or not. Case in point:I'll try to not give you a hard time about this dress because at least its covering your ass despite being see-throughish? I can't really tell. But those god awful cross between a cowboy boot and some round toe chunky heeled boots are a monstrosity! The only way I can feel bad for you in these boots after this little appearance is if you have a damn good excuse! And sorry doesn't cut it:

(Sorry readers, I should have added a a$$ shot disclaimer at the beginning of this post). Perhaps you had some horrible accident and now your legs are badly scarred below the knee. Maybe you spent too much time outside barefoot and got hundreds of icky bug bites on your legs that have lasted six months. Or maybe you have some serious disfigurement going on under those boots like elephantiasis? Maybe someone put super glue in the bottom of your boots while you were sleeping and now you have to live with the boots on for the rest of your days. Did those boots cost millions of dollars, and you're just trying to get your moneys worth? I would wear them everyday too if they did, and that would also explain why you can't afford dresses with enough fabric to cover your a$$.

Photos BIG photos and x17online

she is way excited to be wearing those boots

I mean doesn't her expression just scream excitement? Really they must have given her a martini or two and paid her a ton of money to pose in that outfit. Her eyes are rolling back in her head from having to look at those psychedelic pair of pythons.

You know you want some. Good thing for her she didn't have to zip up the cat suit and model these:These might be a good addition to your sexy Catwoman Halloween costume but listen Victoria if I want to dress like a cheap hooker I won't be paying 100+ for some ugly ass shit kickers.(If the Patent Black isn't doing it for you they are also available in leopard print) I'll drive down to my local Priscilla's and pick up the cheaper, vinyl costume choice that I won't mind some drunk Batman spilling beer all over:

(Priscilla's "Lexi Boot")

Photos Victoria's Secret and Prscilla's

who thought of this!!!

I've been on the look out for genius inventions to post here and I think this should be the first:
Say you are me and you only like brownie edges with vanilla ice cream because it ads some crunch and isn't too gooey... well now you can bake a whole pan of brownies and every single piece is an edge piece. No more elbowing to get your edge piece! Never again will you wallow in your ice cream/brownie mush slop. Only crisp edges and gooey well proportioned centers from now on... check it out here

dear us weekly

Please excuse me letting this topic continue to slip by for way too long. The "Stars, They're Just Like Us" section of the magazine has always given me a chuckle. However don't you think that you are trying a little to hard? For instance"They shake out their towels!" Don't you think you are really reaching? I mean because stars don't shake out their beach towels. They fold them up and carry a gallon of sand home with them in their Mercedes and if they don't just pack it up I'm pretty sure they have a professional towel shaker to do the dirty work for them. Right? Can you really believe that stars would actually shake their beach towels... for shame!

Next week hopefully you can at least come up with something other than "they run errands" or "they buy in bulk"

If these walls could talk, they'd probably be screaming

Please read below and then we shall dish.

August 21, 2007
Bronx Basement "Chamber of Horrors"

A strange incident in the Bronx: A city inspector went to the basement of 1912 Holland Avenue to check on a hot water heater, but he ended up contacting the police because he found a bizarre laboratory. 1010 WINS says that there were "viles of acid, formaldehyde and various bones and organs being preserved." Weird! More weird: The Post reports there were also "medical equipment and rubber stalactites." And then there's the "refrigerator that was storing blood."

The building had four apartments, two of which are vacant. One resident told the Post, "If these walls could talk, they'd probably be screaming" and NY1, "I saw some stuff in jars like some embryo stuff in jars and some skulls and like a lot of, like, medical stuff like nobody shouldn't have, like a hospital."

The building is owned by Barry Greene, who is currently in prison serving time for sodomy and sex abuse charges (he abused four Bronx children). It's unclear if the basement's contents belong to Greene, but the NYPD is investigating whether the bones, organs and all belong to animals and/or humans. But the building is in disrepair and Greene does face some violations.
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First off, my apologies for posting such a bizarre and disturbing post on our fun little carefree blog. But guess what people. This is life. And it's cold and hard and weird and bizarre. I actually take that back. Please don't buy into my fake cynicism. I was toying with the idea of being hard core and as the old saying goes, "If the shoes fits, wear it". Well shugs. The shoe didn't fit. So I am taking it off. This seems to be the case here lately. My feet keep expanding. I have a serious issue with swollen feet in the summertime dammit. LEAVE ME ALONE! I can't even remember where I was going with all of this. Oh yes, I am not terribly hard core. I am sticking with cheerful positivity thanks. HOWEVER, I do love gruesome shiz and this is some sicko shizz for realz!!! I freaking love that the writer of the article posted above actually used the exclamation "Weird!" in her post referring to the Jame Gumb style laboratory our homeboy had set up in his basement. I also love that the neighbor they interviewed uses the word "like" more than me. They either found the one valley girl in the Bronx or someone has a little case of the Tourette's. Also, what the heck does "like nobody shouldn't have" mean? Does that actually translate to everybody should have? I am so confused by that double-negetive I can't see straight. How the hell do those words even form to come out of someone's mouth? Like, I tried saying it outloud and my toungue automatically turned to concrete and fell out of my mouth. Seriously. Oh Barry Greene. I kind of understand why you executed the heinous acts listed above. If my neighbor was a retarded valley girl from the Bronx with Tourette's I might have done a lot worse.

fall trends

So there is at least one trend every season that I can totally just not get behind. Say for instance ankle boots ... for one I'm not that tall and ankle boots are just like saying I have no real feet under here and my legs just end into short little stumps. Or maybe they translate to witch shoes or Louis the 14th's favorite pair of shoes to make him self "feel more like a man".

Some of you may look good in them but I'm thinking not so much for me. However ankle boots are waaaaaay more likely to become this years leggings (ie. trend I hated on and then could not get enough of because turns out they are the perfect way to cover chicken legs).

But this year it is the stringy fur look on everything from bags to skirts and this lovely little number from TopShop.


I'm thinking it might be the perfect thing to throw on and run around in the woods in and pretend to be a Yeti.

FeDOra or FeDON'Tra? You be the judge

So what is the concensus on fedora's? Should they get the axe or should folks of all shapes, sizes and mental states continue rocking these hats with their sassy brims and enjoying the moderate shade they provide from the mid-day sun?
Example:

So a couple of well-known, fun loving and typically right on the money celebrity fashion blogging broads felt that this was not such a great look for old simpy simp. I, however, disagree. Since I am solely discussing the fedora and whether or not it should keep on rocking in the free world I am going to give Miss Ashlee credit where credit is due. The girl can rock a hat. I think it's because she has fairly angular features, a very pointy chin and an oblong face. Her head isn't lost in the hat and her face does stand out. Somehow, my description makes her visage sound less than appealing but I think she looks good. Yes, her hair is long and stringy and looks like she spent the last few days at the beach. But, just between you and me, I want that kind of hair so bad I would shave a lhasa apso and super glue it's fur to my skull.
Example 2:

Ok, so here is the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm sorry but it's hard to be fair with this girl. I just think Rumer Willis is soooo frucked up looking. Nothing is going to look good on her. No matter what. She too has a substantial, oblong face. But in a weird, cartoonish, moon looking way. I do love that dress. And her legs look awesome. However, a fedora is neither a dress nor a pair of legs. It's a head accessory. And naturally, since it is sitting atop her bizarre melon all focus goes straight to her frugliness. And, honey, as a woman you should know how to work your assets and hide your flaws. So, for next time, let me suggest this as a nice option for a head accessory:

spaced

Spaced (from the same people who brought you Shaun of the Dead and Hott Fuzz) starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Simon (Tim on the show) and Jessica Hynes (Daisy on the show and whom you may have seen in Shaun of the Dead or in a 2 part Dr. Who episode) Pose as a couple to rent an affordable flat. Crazy drunken landlady, tortured artist neighbor, Daisy's fashion loving club going best friend, and Tim's best friend gun enthusiast and member of the territorial army complete the ensemble.


British telly is some of the funniest out there. Agree? I'm not saying that I don't find some non-british shows quite funny (Family guy, The Simpsons, America's Next Top Model), but it is a totally different kind of funny. Plus in addition to laughing my ass off I can get quite caught up in the story line as well. Drama mixed with comedy is a GOOD thing (see The Office ...BBC). So today is not about me being funny. It is about the show being halarious. It might be hard to find but try downloading, searching for clips online and sometimes airing on Bravo.

thoughts on gwenny

So I've seen pictures of Gwyneth Paltrow in this month's W magazine. Some of them aren't so bad. W has a way of creating unique and creative spreads that really freak me out. So when I saw the cover I wasn't surprised that Gwyneth looked like a man with stick on eyebrows. But I had to look at some of the inside pictures a little sideways because I'm afraid that if I look at them straight on, her seemingly mannequin body will jump through the page (being possessed by some demon of the fashion world) and attack me with her cane/plastic bendable legs, while trying to steal my soul so she can continue to live for eternity. Do not look directly into Gwyneth's eyes!